Thank God. Don’t hang up. Just listen, and for goodness sake follow my instructions.
Delete any copies you have of that article I drafted, ‘Closed Loop Universal Cyclicality’. Don’t open it. Don’t send it to anyone. Delete it!
No, I haven’t started drinking again. But that’s not a bad idea, all things considered.
Listen, our Universe is 14 billion years old. Baryonic matter accounts for 4.5 percent, dark matter another 22.5 percent, and dark energy the remainder at 73 percent.
I didn’t make the universe. I just write about it.
A standard page holds 6,384 characters. My piece is 247 words or 1436 characters. Imagine that’s the Dark matter. Now, all the formatting and hidden characters? Think Baryonic matter. And the empty spaces? Dark energy.
Don’t you see?
The exact same ratio as our Universe.
Every time I open it up, the words are clustered closer and closer together, like little freight trains racing toward the end of the story.
I just told you why! If you leave it open and all those little freight trains come together at the bottom of the page?
Nobody is going to like the ending.